guess at a real early age, I wasn't much into sports, but running did become an important part of my life in elementary school in my home town of Omaha. Each year, 6th graders from several schools in the district came together to compete in a track and field day. There were events like the long jump, high jump, and running distances from 50 to 400 meters. All the other kids had signed up first, so by the time it was my turn only the 200 and 400 meter runs, the long jump and high jump were left. Back when I was 12, 400 meters was a brutal distance. I was the awkward scrawny smarty pants in my class — the complete opposite of a jock — so everyone, including myself, was absolutely astonished when I actually placed 5th female overall in the 400 meter. My gym teacher at the time told me I should run track when I went to junior high the next year.
Somewhere I still have the photograph of me on the “awards stand” complete with a side ponytail, hair sprayed feathered wave bangs, and enormous plastic frame glasses. I’m standing with 5 other girls, two of whom would later become track and cross-country teammates. It was too late in the school year for my newfound athleticism to earn me any cool points though. I graduated elementary school with an attendance record of having missed only one single day of school, total, from kindergarten through 6th grade.
hen I ran in 7th and 8th grade junior high track, it was more because I failed miserably at basketball and volleyball. I disliked the running coach and I’m pretty sure she disliked me. I didn’t really like running in circles on the track, but I disliked being at home even more so I stuck with it. I got shin splints, weird calf pains, side aches, and horrible tummy cramps at almost every single track meet, resulting in less than stellar performances but more often than not, big fat DNFs.
The summer before my 9th grade year, those of us who had ran in track, were asked to train with the cross-country team at the high school in preparation for the fall season. I came into the group a bit late, but never once felt intimidated by the older girls. Everyone was nice and welcoming and immediately I felt like part of the team. When I managed to keep up with two of the juniors for 4 miles (twice as long as I had ever, ever, run before, ever, EVER) as we ran through neighborhoods and past cornfields, I was hooked. I also went on to run long distance track, and in both would swing from JV to Varsity. We were Division A and had a good team, often placing and winning meets, dominating Districts, and even winning spots at State. My teammates would win and place as well and in the JV world I would often place in the top 10 and every now and then would win outright. My cross-country coach, Coach Williams, and track coach, Coach Cuddly were two of the most amazing coaches. Neither of them ever put pressure on us to win. They taught us how to run with heart, to run for ourselves, and to strive to be better for the team. They instilled confidence in us and reminded us that even “failing” was a successful learning experience. They taught us how to win mentally and excel from within. We learned how to really work together as a team out on the course instead of compete with each other. Even if we had a bad run, it seemed as if their belief in our talent never wavered. I can honestly say that because of their coaching techniques, I pushed myself and accomplished more, simply because someone believed I could.
My high school running career ended with a 1600 meter race at the very last JV track meet, my senior year. Another teammate and I had been chasing the elusive sub 6 minute mile for 4 years, coming as close as 6:01 several times. We paced each other and cheered for each other for 4 laps working together to keep from crashing and burning early. With 200 meters left, we both knew we had to leave it all behind to get what we wanted. So we did. To this day, that remains perhaps the longest, most painful, but happiest 200 meters I have ever sprinted.
| I built Lego cities. I colored on my walls in crayon. I had a ton of imaginary friends. I was always reading a book if I wasn’t outside playing. I loved raking leaves and jumping in them. I liked mowing the lawn and tending to the garden where I grew my own carrots and marigolds. I rode a banana seat purple bike with streamers on the handles. I liked running away and hiding in the clothing racks at Kmart. I saved worms stranded on the pavement after the rain. I babysat a baby goat in the house. I cut my own hair when I was 7. I became a vegetarian. I loved eating the burned crispy browned rice from the bottom of the pot. I once peed myself outside my front door because I couldn't find my keys to get in after school. I danced ballet, jazz, tap, pointe, and the clog. I played the piano. I played the alto saxophone in marching band and jazz band. I wore clothing that was 2 sizes too big. I worked collecting signatures in support of legalizing the medicinal use of marijuana. I climbed trees. My dad was my favorite person to go to the movies with. My mom spoiled me with her home made kimchi and rice cakes. My hair reached down past my hips. I was shy. I was a nerd. I was terribly unstylish. I never told my parents it was my fault the underside of the Buick was busted — since I’m the one who accidentally drove it down a grassy hill and over the edge of a retaining wall into another parking lot while on my way to the junior prom. I tried out for JV basketball and volleyball in junior high and totally sucked at both. I had a pet parakeet named Delcee. I had a pet turtle named Shelly. I had pet fish which were named, Angel, Fluffy, Cloudy, and Goldie. My favorite teddy bear was named Pinky. |
My soul still plays out in Lawrence, Kansas where my heart feels most at home, among the sunflower fields, rolling hills of the University of Kansas campus, under the big endless sky, and tucked inside a small coffee shop on the main street downtown.
I spent 6 years in Lawrence including a year after graduation. I studied a lot. I drew endlessly. I painted. I built models out of paper and cardboard and mat board and balsa wood and bass wood and glue and string and metal and rubber and paint and anything that could be twisted and colored and folded and cut and glued and secured down into a shape that created a space that represented an idea.
I studied like a maniac in order to keep my full scholarship. I worked at the front desk of dorms 35 hours a week in order to pay for what the scholarship couldn’t cover. I barely slept. I slept under drafting desks. I slept on drafting desks. In fact I spent most of my waking hours in the architecture studio finishing projects and not sleeping. And so, armed with a bachelors degree, I had burned myself out on architecture.
| I punched a guy in the face because he was being a jerk — It hurt me more than it hurt him. I went to see live music a lot. I became addicted to noodles at Nancy’s. I hung out with BMXers. I once peed myself outside my dorm door because I couldn’t find my keys to get in. I stole rebar from a construction site on campus. I broke into the football stadium late one night and walked to the highest seats just for the view. I got my eyebrow pierced. I got a tattoo. I had bleach blond streaks down the middle of my hair — sort of like a skunk. I became a regular at a country bar, two-stepping and cotton eye- joe-ing my way into the hearts of bull riders and cowboys. I worked at a pizza shop. I ate a lot of cheez-its and orange juice from the studio vending machines. I took performance art and stripped down naked in front of hundreds of people. I created installation art and threw a six foot tall, five foot wide cocoon into the campus pond at 2 a.m. I worked as a waitress at the local strip club. I worked at a hardware store. I worked at a group home for troubled teenage girls. I lived in Detroit for a summer with a boyfriend and never told my parents. I hitchhiked to Sacramento for a week. I backpacked through Central America for ten weeks. I lived in Seoul for six weeks. I met Ani DiFranco while working at her concert. I lived in Miami for a month. I learned how to play lacrosse and joined the club team. I took a ballroom dancing class. I took two semesters of Russian and met one of my best friends. I adopted my first cat, Kaya. I found out I really like Pink Floyd. I rode my bike everywhere since I didn’t have a car. I went to the lake and watched meteor showers. I once made gum from wheat picked from the side of the road. I went skydiving for the first time. I visited New York City, L. A., Pittsburgh, and Chicago, for the first time. I went to Amsterdam for 5 days. I went to Panama for a wedding and found my way to a waterfall. |
worked in social work at a group home for “troubled” teenage girls my last semester of school and for a year after that. When the house shut down due to lack of funding, it was the wake up call I needed to get back into what I love — Architecture.
I landed an internship here in NYC that could only pay me in food. So, with two weeks notice and barely a penny to my name, I moved to NYC. I crashed on a tiny air mattress in a one bedroom apartment with three other guys (one of whom was a friend who had graduated a year ahead of me in architecture school).
My first paying job in NYC was working as an elf in Macy’s Santa Land. I was a barista at Starbucks in Grand Central. I was a personal assistant/ghost
writer for a semi-famous female Iranian architect. Something I wrote for her was published along with pictures I took of The Gates. I also helped
her with match.com dating. I was hired at a small architecture firm and proceeded to work 17-20 hour days. I didn’t sleep much. Finally I landed the
job where I am currently working, another small architecture firm. I enjoy going to work everyday because the environment is relaxed and we produce
quality work without the need to be super stressed. The people I work for understand the importance of good time management and because of that, I
can have a full, balanced life between work and play.
| I found a lacrosse team to join. I was an extra on a Law and Order episode (non speaking part). Three friends and I qualified for a national scavenger hunt in Las Vegas thanks to our 6th and 7th place finish in the NYC scavenger hunt. I went to the Grand Canyon for the first time. I played in a lacrosse tournament in London. I eventually became the captain and organizer of my lacrosse team. I was a barista at Starbucks in Grand Central. I was a personal assistant/ghost writer for a semi-famous female Iranian architect. Something I wrote for her was published along with pictures I took of The Gates. I also helped her with match.com dating. I explored Washington Heights and found graffiti clad retaining walls with tags from the 80’s. I worked at a Mexican restaurant. I got punched in the face by a stranger at Union Square, in broad daylight on a Tuesday evening. I went to a Feist concert. I got to see Blonde Redhead live — that was epic for me. I once got maced in the face by cops. I found out I like knishes. I worked as a cocktail waitress at a lounge. I worked with a catering company and served Natalie Portman and Bjork vegetarian meals. I picked up random housekeeping gigs. I was unemployed for 3 months before I got hired at my current job. I adopted another cat. I once accidentally lived in Chinatown with a heroin addict. I dyed my eyebrows. I once got stranded on the BQE on a friend’s motorcycle because his gas gauge didn’t work. We had to push it half a mile to the nearest off ramp and gas station. I went to a party with Jay-Z and Puff Daddy or P-Diddy or whatever his name is. I served Margret Cho a vodka tonic. I joined NYRR and ran my very first 15k as a 27th birthday gift to myself. After running the 15k, two lacrosse teammates and I made a pact to run each of the five borough half marathons. |
colleague at work, Chris Dewalt, introduced me to the Flyers, via the Monday night Downtown group with David Gaines, in the winter of 2008. I officially joined at the beginning of 2009. I had qualified for the 2009 NYC marathon through the 9+1 program and was looking for a group to train with. Before I ran that marathon, I wanted my first marathon to be the January 2009 Miami race, where my grandmother could come and see me. I wanted to run for her since she never got to see me throughout junior high and high school.
She died 17 days before the race.
I’m pretty sure she still saw me though.
A series of events, starting in the spring of 2009, led me to deciding to run farther than a marathon.
I had attended a fundraiser featuring photos from the brothels taken by Jennifer on her trip to Cambodia for a journalism assignment. When she had invited me to the event I had no idea what to expect. I had no idea slavery existed and I had no idea the depth of pain that could be revealed through simple photographs. The pictures had been blown up to larger than life sizes, over 5 feet tall. They featured a few of the girls looking back at the camera revealing with just a look, the pain of life. One picture in particular forced me to turn away in order to keep my composure. It was a simple shot of a girl's arms, turned wrist side up to show the multiple layers of scars criss-crossing her young skin. Scars of beatings. Scars of torture. Scars of self mutilation. Scars of suicide attempts — attempts to escape hell via death.
I read Somaly Mam's book (The Road of Lost Innocence) shortly after. Her bare bones poetic prose spoke of a woman stronger than anyone I have ever met.
At a following fundraiser, I heard Benjamin E. Skinner, author of the book A Crime so Monstrous, speak about his experiences during his investigations on modern human slavery. I asked him for his autograph on a copy of his book that I bought at the event.
As I handed him the book I asked, "What can I do to help? I'm just an architect." Mr. Skinner took the book from me and laughed. "Nobody is just anything. Find something you are passionate about, good at doing, and use it to do something positive. You are not just an architect. You are a person who wants to help." With that he signed the front of my book "To Deanna, an angel of light unafraid to look into the darkness."
I took this as a compliment of sorts — until I finished his book which ends with the following quote: "...for as long as you know of it, you are particeps criminis. What business have you, if you are an "angel of light," to be pondering over the deeds of darkness?" Henry David Thoreau. Mr. Skinner had effectively challenged me to step up and do something.
So, before I had even run my second marathon (Big Sur Trail in California in September 2009) I started googling ultras and reached out to the NYC Somaly Mam Foundation office.
I found the Mississippi Trail 50, March 6, 2010. Just in time for my 30th birthday. The small staff at the SMF office was extremely excited and supportive. I think they thought I was a bit crazy and weren’t quite sure how serious I was about the whole thing.
When I ran the NYC 2009 marathon and qualified for Boston, I was beyond excited — until it closed before I could sign up. I was so upset that day that I thought to myself, “Fine. If Boston doesn’t want me then I’ll find something else.” I did. I found the Burning River 100 Mile Trail Race for July 2010. I signed up. I called up the SMF office and said “Hey, I just signed up for a 100 mile race, and would rather use that as a fundraiser instead of the 50 miler. I’m still running the 50 miler though. ” They said, “Are you crazy?!”
I ended up raising over $5000 for The Somaly Mam Foundation. I will run another ultra and raise the bar. I will raise more money, run a more difficult course, or run a farther distance.
My first ultra however, was the Knickerbocker 60K in Central Park in November 2009. I decided two days before that I would actually run it as a training run for the 50 miler. I figured there was no better place to run my first ultra than in Central Park with friends around. I was right. It is also the first ultra that I have gotten to go back and run again!
| I made best friends. I found an architecture job I adore and found out about the Flyers through a co-worker. I found side jobs in the health care industry (working with two different quadriplegics). I hiked. I let waves crash over me. A friend of mine died and whenever I see the color orange, I think of him. I still don’t know how to swim. I trained. I ran. I lived. I fell in love. I fell out of love. I laughed a lot. I played outside. I walked everywhere. I went back to trail running. I got over being scared of riding a bike on the city streets. I started training for my first duathlon. I started teaching myself Korean. My bagel vendor started talking to me in Spanish so I can relearn it. I spread my Grandmother’s ashes in a special spot in the Secret Garden. I explored the city. I challenged myself. I pushed myself. I refused to stop. I learned a lot from other runners. I fell in love with Scott Jurek when I met him. I was a bridesmaid in a dear friend’s wedding. I tutored adults at an adult learning center. I fell in love with running the bridges. I volunteer co-hosted children’s television shows at a children’s hospital. I wrote for a dating blog. I ate a whole entire pizza, by myself. I peed myself on a trail run (ok, so it was around mile 80 of a 100 mile race and I simply had no control). I’ve locked myself out of my apartment at least 20 times. I discovered just how good Whole Foods brand ice cream is. I don’t have a TV or internet at home. I’ve read a lot of amazing books. I learned to knit. I refined my quiche making skills. I still dance like an idiot. I found a vegetarian Korean restaurant. I played lacrosse in Jamaica. I actually scored a goal at a lacrosse tournament. I started taking jumping pictures. I started bringing a little Hello Kitty Pez dispenser everywhere I go to take pictures of her out and about. I was given a new bike. I fell in love with riding out to Nyack. I ran a relay race with other Kidz Who Whiz. I went to San Francisco for the first time. I took a train to South Carolina. I took a train to Ohio. I acquired a scar on my knee from falling on a trail run. I learned what makes me happy. |
| I hope to be able to run till I die. I will continue to search out and maintain happiness and balance. I will simply love life. |
| On November 20, 2010, Deanna finished her second Knickerbocker 60K in Central Park in 4:42:11 (7:35 pace), finishing first female overall, First flyer overall, and finishing within 49 seconds of the course record. |
| — The Editor |